I love scam artists! Here are a bunch of creative people looking for Americas dumbest characters. There's a sucker born everyday.
I occasionally get bored sitting here and venture out onto craigslist specifically looking for scammers. I went to the cars for sale forum and did a search for Acura. I have an Acura so figured I'd kill two birds with 1 stone. I could see what "real" people are asking for my year car as well as see who is trying to scam who. I immediately stumbled upon a beautiful Acura MDX for a price that was absolutely too good to be true. I emailed the guy figuring he's going to tell me that he would have the car delivered to my doorstep for 1/2 the payment and of course the other 1/2 due upon my satisfaction. See how these people work? They prey on others greed.
The craigslist article is for a 1997 Acura MDX for a bargain! A very believable story and photo's were behind the ad. I sent an email, short, sweet, and very specific.
"Where are you located and can I come take a look at it?"
That's my entire email.
Here is the reply:
"Hello,
My name is Chris Jensen, owner of the 2007 Acura MDX Sport from Craigslist. I have been very busy lately with some business travels so I just read your email. Please get back to me at your earliest convenience and let me know if you're still interested in purchasing my car, because it's still for sale.
As payment method we can use eBay purchase protection program.This means that I will not have any money until you will receive and inspect the car. I'm sure you'll love it the day you'll get it.
Thank you for your time."
This person gives way too much information then tries to forward me to ebay. This is the first indication that this is fraudulent. But there is a sucker born every day and someone will lose their hard earned money.
I responded with, "How about we meet up and I inspect the car in front of you and decide if I want it from there. Face to Face. I have cash.".
Naturally, I haven't heard back from him. Once you tell the scammer that you will only do business face to face, you'll never hear from them again.
Today, being the photography enthusiast I am, I went to Craigs list (where I purchase 99% of all of my photography equipment from) and noticed an ad for a $5000.00 Nikon D3 for just $2000.00. This baby comes with accessories too! What a great deal, right!!! So lets play with this guy. I sent him an email saying, "sold yet? I"ll take it".
Like "Chris Jenson" up above, "bahomes71" is out of the country on business. Here is his email reply to me only 2 minutes after I sent him my email telling him I'd take it.
"It's availableI'm in Toronto now (relocated for work) but express shipping is included in the price. UPS or FedEx, you'd get the camera in two days and insurance/tracking is also included.If you use eBay I'd like to do it that way, so we're both protected and can exchange feedback laterI just need your name and eBay ID, once I set it up with eBay they'll confirm it with you and then we're good to go, and you'll be fully covered by them. Even if you don't use eBay I can set it up with them.My eBay ID is colordrives so you can check my feedbackIt will be set up for WU payment which is instant so I can ship same day.Just go to http://www.westernunion.com/info/agentInquiryIntl.asp and find their agent close to you Let me know when you do that and I can send you all details and instructionsPS. Half would be due before shipping and the rest after you get it (I'll ship it overnight)."
Not only are we using Ebay but he wants me to wire money via western union. I'm going to reply to him now with something positive. Let's see if we can go all the way with this guy. I'll post his replys as I receive them! I just sent him another email that reads:
"Ohhh goody goody gumdrops!!!!! God bless you. I have been waiting for a wonderful deal like this for our church. Since I am the Pastor, I am the approver of transactions just like this one! We're both in luck because you make the quick sale and feel good about selling for such a nice price to our church!
Please just let me know how and where to send the money for the western union. I have the link already! This is a wonderful day, God bless you! I don't know too much about ebay so I can just western union the money as long as you promise to ship it as soon as you get the money!
Thank you and god bless!"
Just so you know... I believe in GOD about as much as I believe I can get this camera for $2000.00. But it's all good!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Telemarketers
So today I received a call from yet another telemarketer. I used to really hate these people, but now I actually look forward to their calls. Ya'll might just say I got too much time on my hands (isn't that a Foreigner song?)... but the truth is, you can turn your phone calls into something positive.
Todays call was from some television/media market research firm. WHoopie... Here's my game plan in short. My computer is on 24/7 and I always have a page opened up to my favorite soundboards. Judge Judy (god I love that lady), and of course Special Ed are my favorites. When the telemarketing flunky calls, I have my gameplan all set up.
"HELLO", "THIS IS ED"... "Hello, Ed, my name is so and so from blah blah blah..."
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=20662
You pretty much have an answer for just about anything.
Todays flunky actually told me this in a very serious tone... "Sir, we don't have time to play games right now"; after my pal Special Ed's comment of, "You sound pretty, Lady... ARe you pretty"...
WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO PLAY GAMES????? hahahahahahaha... Whatelse does this guy have time for? You would think he's got plenty of time for whatever I throw at him. Shit... If I had blisters on my fingers from making calls all day long, you betchyer ass I wanna break to play a game. So I told him... "You don't have time for games but you have time to call and waste my time?" "Why is your time so precious but my time is not?"
See... The way I feel is that if you're going to call me and solicit your bullshit products, then you're going to have to play by my rules and if you can't play by my rules then put me on the horn with someone who is willing to accept my policy. I don't owe these people anything. If anything, they owe ME.
So that's that.... Go get yourselves a good soundboard beat the hell out of the next junky who calls you.
Let's say you don't have access to a computer you can always get kinky on the phone with them. I spoke with a female telemarker once who I had telling me her whole life story. She claimed she was hot too. Ohhh we had a grand old time on the phone. I kept her from her job for at least 15 minutes! Do you know how many people she could have called and got hung up on within that time? I gave her inspiration to get on the line to her next victim.
Yep... You have to make the best of it sometimes.
The best is when they start talking so fast that they pretend not to hear you while you're butting in. Usually call them a dirty whore and that gets their attention real fast. I've had some tell me off. "EXCUSE ME?" ohhh boy... that's great when they do that. You basically ruin their day and they'll be talking about you all afternoon!
Ok, I'm done for now. I'll be back later.
Todays call was from some television/media market research firm. WHoopie... Here's my game plan in short. My computer is on 24/7 and I always have a page opened up to my favorite soundboards. Judge Judy (god I love that lady), and of course Special Ed are my favorites. When the telemarketing flunky calls, I have my gameplan all set up.
"HELLO", "THIS IS ED"... "Hello, Ed, my name is so and so from blah blah blah..."
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=20662
You pretty much have an answer for just about anything.
Todays flunky actually told me this in a very serious tone... "Sir, we don't have time to play games right now"; after my pal Special Ed's comment of, "You sound pretty, Lady... ARe you pretty"...
WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO PLAY GAMES????? hahahahahahaha... Whatelse does this guy have time for? You would think he's got plenty of time for whatever I throw at him. Shit... If I had blisters on my fingers from making calls all day long, you betchyer ass I wanna break to play a game. So I told him... "You don't have time for games but you have time to call and waste my time?" "Why is your time so precious but my time is not?"
See... The way I feel is that if you're going to call me and solicit your bullshit products, then you're going to have to play by my rules and if you can't play by my rules then put me on the horn with someone who is willing to accept my policy. I don't owe these people anything. If anything, they owe ME.
So that's that.... Go get yourselves a good soundboard beat the hell out of the next junky who calls you.
Let's say you don't have access to a computer you can always get kinky on the phone with them. I spoke with a female telemarker once who I had telling me her whole life story. She claimed she was hot too. Ohhh we had a grand old time on the phone. I kept her from her job for at least 15 minutes! Do you know how many people she could have called and got hung up on within that time? I gave her inspiration to get on the line to her next victim.
Yep... You have to make the best of it sometimes.
The best is when they start talking so fast that they pretend not to hear you while you're butting in. Usually call them a dirty whore and that gets their attention real fast. I've had some tell me off. "EXCUSE ME?" ohhh boy... that's great when they do that. You basically ruin their day and they'll be talking about you all afternoon!
Ok, I'm done for now. I'll be back later.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Car for sale
My wife had been complaining about her car for a long time. She's been wanting this Honda CRV thing for ages. They're nice looking cars but I really don't think you're getting what you're paying for. We wound up picking up a 2008 VW Passat. 0% financing, how can yah beat that! Ohh, I know... With the perfectly fine running PAID OFF IN FULL Honda Accord we have, that's how.
After purchasing the VW, I took the liberty of driving the Honda around for a little while. I found absolutely nothing wrong with this car. Now I've gotta get rid of it. I could have left it at the dealer for a grand or two but for that price, I'd keep it and use it until it died. I did a little research and as it turns out, this cars value is around $5250.00. I got that number from Kelly Blue Book. I'm told that I'd never get KBB value for the car but what the hell, I had absolutely nothing to lose. I figured I'd advertise the car and see what type of offers an ad might generate. Maybe I'd get $4000.00 for the car and be happy.
Now I put this puppy on Craigs List and away we go. Here is the ad:
________________________________________
I am selling a 2000 Honda Accord Ex 4 Cyl, 4dr car.
Please see the photo's.
I'm selling the car in good-fair condition. Kelly Blue Book has this car at 4835.00 for fair condition and 5535.00 for good condition. I would like to be competative as I do not need this car anymore and would like to pass it on to someone who does. I will negotiate within reason but you will have to understand that I'm not hard up for cash so. Please use your best judgement when submitting an offer.
I have uploaded a small slideshow with photo's so you can get a better idea as to what I'm selling. The car is pretty clean aside of normal wear and tear although there is 1 small dent on the rear driver side door. Unfortunately, you cannot see it in these pictures. I think it can probably be popped out but that's up to you, the car is being sold AS IS with NO WARRANTY. This is a private sale.
This car has had only 1 (ONE) owner which is me (as also indicated on the car title). I purchased the car New from a New Car dealer.
If you have any questions regarding this car, please feel free to email me. If you email me, I will mail you my phone number so we can speak in person. I am in the 908 area code in the Elizabeth/Cranford area.
I hope I've included enough information for you.
See the following link for more photos.
http://njflyfishing.com/2000accordex/
________________________________________
I tried to be as honest as possible without actually being 100% honest. The bottom line is that the car runs great looks good and will get someone from point A to point B for what I think a fair amount of time.
Well, after reading that ad which included 4 photo attachments as well as the link you see with even more photo's, would you dare ask the seller if they had any photo's? Not different photos or more photo's, just photo's. Uhhhh... Did you not see the 4 king sized pictures I took the time out to paste into the ad? Ok, so maybe I got carried away with that one.
The purpose of this story is that although Craigslist is a wonderful utility, there are stupid as hell people on this planet. Here I present you with some of the responses I received, along with my replies to those people. The one offering me... ohhh nevermind, you'll see. I placed this ad on Monday around 4pm.
6:54pm
"Hi
In viewing you car, I am very much in need of a car, I have been searching for quite sometime, I had a 1991 Honda Civic, 2 door hatchback, it had reached a little over 200k they are really excellent cars and I am look to purchase before the weather changes, I live in the Essex county area and work in Morris county area, so you see I clearly need transportation. If you would be so kind to send me your number, I would like to speak with you in further details. "
I didn't give her a hard time but, do I really need to know all of this information? She writes, "I clearly need transportation". DUH!!!
9:30pm
"Honda Civic....... $4000.00. Let me know if your interested. Im looking for a car for my niece (University of Delaware).... Let me know If Im close to what you are looking for price wise......"
I didn't give him a hard time either, but I did let him know that I'm not selling a Honda Civic, I'm selling an Accord. Needless to say, that was good enough for him. He asked me a hundred fifty questions and then, this (with a bunch of 2mb photos attached).
11:44pm
"OOOOPS......
My mistake.... I have been looking and actually picked up a Very Nice 1999 Accord.... But here's the story.... My wife seen the accord and she fell in love with it.... Its all black with a V6 Engine... Goes like a bat out of hell full leather interior... Remote CD and all the goodies that you can imagine.... I originally picked it up for my niece... But my wife told me to keep looking....... I paid $2900 for the 1999 and yes I realize that yours is newer and lower miles mine has 110,000 on the clock but we both know that these cars will go 250,000 plus if you keep them serviced..... Im retired and working on a fixed income so money dont come as easy when I was working.........
Thanks for the Reply...."
WHOLY EXHAUSTED PIPES, BATMAN.... This guy didn't just utter me his history of buying cars, did he... Eh.... He's probably a nice guy but he really wants this Honda Accord, but slow down.... See... He now sees that the link I provided to my photos contains the word "fishing"... Shit, I must be into old fishing boat projects, right?
1:03am
"Looks like you might be into fishing.......
I have a 1986 Sea Nymph Center console 18' Alum Boat with 90 HP Merc engine (Low Hours) on a trailer that Im looking to sell........ I also have a ton of fishing poles and reels... Mostly saltwater..... Im looking to get 4,000 for the boat/motor/trailer set up.... Does need a little refinishing work on the deck steps (Teak)... Other than that its a pretty nice boat... Trailer will probably need tires... Dry Rot......
Sorry dont have pics at this time......"
Hey, anyone need a boat? I already have one but lemme tell yah, for $6500.00 I'll hook you up with a guy selling a fixer upper.
Ohhh boy... Again... I didn't give this guy a hard time. I simply replied with, "I'm not interested in the boat but I'll entertain your offer for 4000.00. KBB says a minimum of 4800.00. If you would like to take a look, I have no problem with that."
The following day:
10:29pm
Dennis .... before I waste my time as well as yours in regards to seeing the Honda....
I have a couple of questions.....
1. Tires??? Whats the condition....
2. The car appears to be in pretty nice condition has it been dealer serviced over its lifetime?
3. Its over the limit for Timing Belt replacment.... Has the belt been changed. Do you have reciepts to prove the work done..... There is no way one can check the belt so without paper work Im only taking you word that the belt was changed..
4. Has there been any MAJOR Mechanical work been done on the vehicle? Brakes, Transmission, engine related work etc etc......????
Thanks "
These are legitimate questions.... NEXT!
11:15pm (Back on Monday)
"Hello, Whats the best price you had in mind given the repairs and no warranty I would be inclined to offer about $2000. I am interested so please send number so that we can discuss I am in Union."
Well... I put a range of 4835.00-5385 or something like that... Why would you be so inclined to waste my valuable time and offer $2000.00? Who the hell said anything about repairs. This car is in good condition. I thought my photographs were a pretty accurate description of this car. Then he's complaining about a warranty! Doesn't my ad specifically use the term, "AS-IS"? Figure that into my price range and make me an offer bozo.
My actual response, "What repairs? The car is being sold as is. 2000 will not do at this time. As I've already mentioned, look at the Kelly Blue book value VS. what people are actually selling them for. My ad specifically said, "Within Reason". 2000 is not within reason. Why are you bothering me?"
Keep in mind that my ad also says that I'm not "hard up for cash". Now all I need is for this jackass to come to my house and stand in front of me to tell me that he just lost his kid and his father died, etc.... NOT MY PROBLEM. I'm selling a car, not funeral services.
Now although I find this next one very humerous, it's not my favorite. Please note that I changed the name from the original to what is there now.
Tuesday:
10:41am
"hi my name is, slim shady lady, i am intersted is there neway i would be able to give 1000 upfront n make payments for the rest?"
My response:
Sure you can make payments... What did you have in mind hot cakes. This will give us a great opportunity to present ourselves in front of the all knowing, all powerful, one and only, Judge Judith Sheindlin.
Now come on... Seriously... Do you expect me to finance a car to a perfect stranger? That's what banks are for. Go stand in line and fill out a loan application.
Dennis
Here is another one of my favorites! This one might actually take the cake! Well... not just yet, I'll let you decide!
11:56 AM
"Hi,
I saw the listing and love the car. I only do have 900.00 saved. I had a 2005 Honda Civic and I lost the car a few months ago because I couldn’t pay my payments after losing my job. I lost everything while unemployed for 8 months and just recently acquired new employment. I don’t have much and I am trying to rebuild my life. It’s hard to get back and forth to work and need a reliable car to keep my job. I would appreciate if you would consider my offer. Thank you for your time."
HAHAHAHA!!! Are you kidding me! Is this lady for real? Wow! I'm sorry, but my response to her was the following:
"You don't need a car, you need a therapist. I'm selling a car, not psychiatric assistance. When you're ready to purchase a car, contact me then.
Dennis"
Harsh? Hardly... What could be more harsh than my reply? Read that paragraph of crap she wrote me! Better yet, google it... She probably writes the same shit to everybody.
Moving onward:
1:23pm
"I have no idea what you might me looking for but I have $2500 cash on me now..you let me know what is your price range..and what does "as is" condition mean; Are there any known problems or suspected ones. I'm looking for something RELIABLE to get around until I purchase a new vehicle early next year...."
I have to ask a question as to the meaning of these two words when combined, "AS-IS". Is it that complicated? AS-IS means, you get what you see; nothing more, nothing less. Just in case you didn't know that, now you do.
Then she says that she's looking for something "RELIABLE"! This leave me with more questions. I wonder how often she looks online for unreliable items. You know... Items that she might pay good money for simply for the fact that they will most certainly fail her at any given time without any explaination. When one is in her position of searching for a car, would one search for an unreliable car?
She also asks if the car has any problems or if there are any suspected problems. Look, I'm selling the car because .... well, I'm not really sure why I'm selling this car but I suspect that it has something to do with the 27 grand I just dumped into a new one and that I'm trying to re-coupe some of my losses. Anyhow, if I suspected any problems, do you think I'm going to tell you? "Yeah honey, I suspect that when you get far enough away from my house, the tires will fall off, the engine will cease, and the transmittion will drop." Yah know... That might have actually been a great repsonse! When the VW goes on the market, I'll have to remember this one.
Hey... if they can ask stupid questions, I can supply corny answers.
Now we move onto my personal favorite thread. I exchanged a few emails with this one.
TUESDAY:
8:59am
"Hello,
I am very interested in the car you have for sale. Can you please call me to discuss. 973-851-2802.
Thank you"
1:38pm
I am very interested in purchasing the car you have for sale. I am sure you have received a ton of offers on the car but I am hoping you will consider my need and reasons for needing a car. I have $1000 on hand to purchase a car and I'm pretty desperate since the car I expected to purchase today did not work out as planned. The owner decided to raise the selling price and I'm trying hard not to feel discourage. The lease on my SUV recently ended last week and I needed a car ASAP so I can to school and take my two sons to and from school. \
I need a really reliable car and don't have much money. You mentioned you are not hard up for money but you surely would be blessing a single mom in need. I can't express to you how much it would mean to me. Its possible I could beg and borrow from family and friends to gather up another $500 if my offer is too low.
Let me know what you think and feel free to call me at 973-342-7293
Sincerely,
Ms. Coksuka"
5:12pm
"I am very interested in this car. Can you please call me at 973-851-2802 or respond to my email to discuss??!"
6:06pm - My response - (Name changed to protect the slovenly)
"Ms. Coksuka,
Please accept my apologies, I have been very busy. How much are you looking to spend on this car. I am looking to get in the area of 5000.00, as I believe this is fair market value. If this exceeds your budget, I'm sorry.
Regards,
Dennis"
What's with the SOB story? Woah's Me.... Woah's F'ng Me.... Personally, it sounds like a scam but let's follow through a little. Should I tell her what I think? I kept my initial response short and sweet:
"Ms. Coksuka,
I'm a nice guy but not that nice. $1500.00 simply will not do.
Sorry"
Truth be told, I'm not a nice guy at all. ;)
Now with everything you've read so far... Some funny, some not so funny.... I'm sure this one takes the cake!
Wednesday:
1:14am
"Hi:
I'm just reaching out to you once more to suggest a better offer for you to consider. Please know that I am a young professional woman who works for a respectable company in an executive management capacity. I've never done anything like this but at this point, it sounds like good business to me, all about bartering and compromising.
I have $1000 cash and would be willing to provide additional services to make up for the difference. I really need a car by Saturday and I'm just thinking creatively about the assets I have to offer at this time.
I give THE best head I've been told (probably because I genuinely enjoy it) and although this may seem to be a highly irregular proposition I hope you don't find this distasteful. I am a very private and discreet woman and I live in a very quiet area. I'd love to work something out with you.
If you are not interested a simply no thanks will do. If you need some time to think about it, please do and give me a call to discuss at 973-xxx-xxxx
You would really be helping out a lot. My children attend excellent schools twenty minutes away and I need to find a way to get them there. Public transportation will not work out if I want to get to work on time. I am available to meet asap. I hope you will consider my sincere and discreet offer.
Sincerely,
Ms. Coksuka"
Why would anyone find that distasteful? She's willing to do whatever it takes to get those kids to school. Not just any school, but Excellent Schools located twenty minutes away. Obviously public transportation will not do for these kids (that you and I are probably paying for).... Public transportation is not good enough for her either. What's even worse is that this person thought they were sufficient enough to even have kids. This woman cannot afford kids... She can hardly afford herself. So here I am, not only paying my local towns school taxes but my youngest cannot attend the public school system because Kindergarten is only 1/2 day. This means I have to pay 1260 bux a month to send him to a private school. That's in addition to the school taxes. Do you know how my youngest gets to school? Of course you do; we drive him there in our brand new car.
So, my response to, Ms. Coksuka was this:
"Let it be known that I LOVE blowjobs but, there is not a blow-jobber on this planet that I'd make this offer with. You might even be the best. For the difference of what I'm asking and what you're willing to give, I'll just spit in my hand and take care of it myself. I do have to ask in case I change my mind, do you have teeth? With/without bling?
Dennis"
Unfortunately, this must come to an end. I will leave by saying that I did not use my Honda as part of the downpayment. Someone actually came over tonight and gave me a very reasonable number for the car then drove off with it. I was told that my car would be shipped to Honduras. I'll miss that car.
I've gotta say that aside the crap that people sent me, I did sell a pretty heafty piece of machinery pretty quick. I'd recommend Craigs list to anyone looking for a good laugh and of course if you're looking to offload a corpse. Something for everybody, right?
Take care. :)
After purchasing the VW, I took the liberty of driving the Honda around for a little while. I found absolutely nothing wrong with this car. Now I've gotta get rid of it. I could have left it at the dealer for a grand or two but for that price, I'd keep it and use it until it died. I did a little research and as it turns out, this cars value is around $5250.00. I got that number from Kelly Blue Book. I'm told that I'd never get KBB value for the car but what the hell, I had absolutely nothing to lose. I figured I'd advertise the car and see what type of offers an ad might generate. Maybe I'd get $4000.00 for the car and be happy.
Now I put this puppy on Craigs List and away we go. Here is the ad:
________________________________________
I am selling a 2000 Honda Accord Ex 4 Cyl, 4dr car.
Please see the photo's.
I'm selling the car in good-fair condition. Kelly Blue Book has this car at 4835.00 for fair condition and 5535.00 for good condition. I would like to be competative as I do not need this car anymore and would like to pass it on to someone who does. I will negotiate within reason but you will have to understand that I'm not hard up for cash so. Please use your best judgement when submitting an offer.
I have uploaded a small slideshow with photo's so you can get a better idea as to what I'm selling. The car is pretty clean aside of normal wear and tear although there is 1 small dent on the rear driver side door. Unfortunately, you cannot see it in these pictures. I think it can probably be popped out but that's up to you, the car is being sold AS IS with NO WARRANTY. This is a private sale.
This car has had only 1 (ONE) owner which is me (as also indicated on the car title). I purchased the car New from a New Car dealer.
If you have any questions regarding this car, please feel free to email me. If you email me, I will mail you my phone number so we can speak in person. I am in the 908 area code in the Elizabeth/Cranford area.
I hope I've included enough information for you.
See the following link for more photos.
http://njflyfishing.com/2000accordex/
________________________________________
I tried to be as honest as possible without actually being 100% honest. The bottom line is that the car runs great looks good and will get someone from point A to point B for what I think a fair amount of time.
Well, after reading that ad which included 4 photo attachments as well as the link you see with even more photo's, would you dare ask the seller if they had any photo's? Not different photos or more photo's, just photo's. Uhhhh... Did you not see the 4 king sized pictures I took the time out to paste into the ad? Ok, so maybe I got carried away with that one.
The purpose of this story is that although Craigslist is a wonderful utility, there are stupid as hell people on this planet. Here I present you with some of the responses I received, along with my replies to those people. The one offering me... ohhh nevermind, you'll see. I placed this ad on Monday around 4pm.
6:54pm
"Hi
In viewing you car, I am very much in need of a car, I have been searching for quite sometime, I had a 1991 Honda Civic, 2 door hatchback, it had reached a little over 200k they are really excellent cars and I am look to purchase before the weather changes, I live in the Essex county area and work in Morris county area, so you see I clearly need transportation. If you would be so kind to send me your number, I would like to speak with you in further details. "
I didn't give her a hard time but, do I really need to know all of this information? She writes, "I clearly need transportation". DUH!!!
9:30pm
"Honda Civic....... $4000.00. Let me know if your interested. Im looking for a car for my niece (University of Delaware).... Let me know If Im close to what you are looking for price wise......"
I didn't give him a hard time either, but I did let him know that I'm not selling a Honda Civic, I'm selling an Accord. Needless to say, that was good enough for him. He asked me a hundred fifty questions and then, this (with a bunch of 2mb photos attached).
11:44pm
"OOOOPS......
My mistake.... I have been looking and actually picked up a Very Nice 1999 Accord.... But here's the story.... My wife seen the accord and she fell in love with it.... Its all black with a V6 Engine... Goes like a bat out of hell full leather interior... Remote CD and all the goodies that you can imagine.... I originally picked it up for my niece... But my wife told me to keep looking....... I paid $2900 for the 1999 and yes I realize that yours is newer and lower miles mine has 110,000 on the clock but we both know that these cars will go 250,000 plus if you keep them serviced..... Im retired and working on a fixed income so money dont come as easy when I was working.........
Thanks for the Reply...."
WHOLY EXHAUSTED PIPES, BATMAN.... This guy didn't just utter me his history of buying cars, did he... Eh.... He's probably a nice guy but he really wants this Honda Accord, but slow down.... See... He now sees that the link I provided to my photos contains the word "fishing"... Shit, I must be into old fishing boat projects, right?
1:03am
"Looks like you might be into fishing.......
I have a 1986 Sea Nymph Center console 18' Alum Boat with 90 HP Merc engine (Low Hours) on a trailer that Im looking to sell........ I also have a ton of fishing poles and reels... Mostly saltwater..... Im looking to get 4,000 for the boat/motor/trailer set up.... Does need a little refinishing work on the deck steps (Teak)... Other than that its a pretty nice boat... Trailer will probably need tires... Dry Rot......
Sorry dont have pics at this time......"
Hey, anyone need a boat? I already have one but lemme tell yah, for $6500.00 I'll hook you up with a guy selling a fixer upper.
Ohhh boy... Again... I didn't give this guy a hard time. I simply replied with, "I'm not interested in the boat but I'll entertain your offer for 4000.00. KBB says a minimum of 4800.00. If you would like to take a look, I have no problem with that."
The following day:
10:29pm
Dennis .... before I waste my time as well as yours in regards to seeing the Honda....
I have a couple of questions.....
1. Tires??? Whats the condition....
2. The car appears to be in pretty nice condition has it been dealer serviced over its lifetime?
3. Its over the limit for Timing Belt replacment.... Has the belt been changed. Do you have reciepts to prove the work done..... There is no way one can check the belt so without paper work Im only taking you word that the belt was changed..
4. Has there been any MAJOR Mechanical work been done on the vehicle? Brakes, Transmission, engine related work etc etc......????
Thanks "
These are legitimate questions.... NEXT!
11:15pm (Back on Monday)
"Hello, Whats the best price you had in mind given the repairs and no warranty I would be inclined to offer about $2000. I am interested so please send number so that we can discuss I am in Union."
Well... I put a range of 4835.00-5385 or something like that... Why would you be so inclined to waste my valuable time and offer $2000.00? Who the hell said anything about repairs. This car is in good condition. I thought my photographs were a pretty accurate description of this car. Then he's complaining about a warranty! Doesn't my ad specifically use the term, "AS-IS"? Figure that into my price range and make me an offer bozo.
My actual response, "What repairs? The car is being sold as is. 2000 will not do at this time. As I've already mentioned, look at the Kelly Blue book value VS. what people are actually selling them for. My ad specifically said, "Within Reason". 2000 is not within reason. Why are you bothering me?"
Keep in mind that my ad also says that I'm not "hard up for cash". Now all I need is for this jackass to come to my house and stand in front of me to tell me that he just lost his kid and his father died, etc.... NOT MY PROBLEM. I'm selling a car, not funeral services.
Now although I find this next one very humerous, it's not my favorite. Please note that I changed the name from the original to what is there now.
Tuesday:
10:41am
"hi my name is, slim shady lady, i am intersted is there neway i would be able to give 1000 upfront n make payments for the rest?"
My response:
Sure you can make payments... What did you have in mind hot cakes. This will give us a great opportunity to present ourselves in front of the all knowing, all powerful, one and only, Judge Judith Sheindlin.
Now come on... Seriously... Do you expect me to finance a car to a perfect stranger? That's what banks are for. Go stand in line and fill out a loan application.
Dennis
Here is another one of my favorites! This one might actually take the cake! Well... not just yet, I'll let you decide!
11:56 AM
"Hi,
I saw the listing and love the car. I only do have 900.00 saved. I had a 2005 Honda Civic and I lost the car a few months ago because I couldn’t pay my payments after losing my job. I lost everything while unemployed for 8 months and just recently acquired new employment. I don’t have much and I am trying to rebuild my life. It’s hard to get back and forth to work and need a reliable car to keep my job. I would appreciate if you would consider my offer. Thank you for your time."
HAHAHAHA!!! Are you kidding me! Is this lady for real? Wow! I'm sorry, but my response to her was the following:
"You don't need a car, you need a therapist. I'm selling a car, not psychiatric assistance. When you're ready to purchase a car, contact me then.
Dennis"
Harsh? Hardly... What could be more harsh than my reply? Read that paragraph of crap she wrote me! Better yet, google it... She probably writes the same shit to everybody.
Moving onward:
1:23pm
"I have no idea what you might me looking for but I have $2500 cash on me now..you let me know what is your price range..and what does "as is" condition mean; Are there any known problems or suspected ones. I'm looking for something RELIABLE to get around until I purchase a new vehicle early next year...."
I have to ask a question as to the meaning of these two words when combined, "AS-IS". Is it that complicated? AS-IS means, you get what you see; nothing more, nothing less. Just in case you didn't know that, now you do.
Then she says that she's looking for something "RELIABLE"! This leave me with more questions. I wonder how often she looks online for unreliable items. You know... Items that she might pay good money for simply for the fact that they will most certainly fail her at any given time without any explaination. When one is in her position of searching for a car, would one search for an unreliable car?
She also asks if the car has any problems or if there are any suspected problems. Look, I'm selling the car because .... well, I'm not really sure why I'm selling this car but I suspect that it has something to do with the 27 grand I just dumped into a new one and that I'm trying to re-coupe some of my losses. Anyhow, if I suspected any problems, do you think I'm going to tell you? "Yeah honey, I suspect that when you get far enough away from my house, the tires will fall off, the engine will cease, and the transmittion will drop." Yah know... That might have actually been a great repsonse! When the VW goes on the market, I'll have to remember this one.
Hey... if they can ask stupid questions, I can supply corny answers.
Now we move onto my personal favorite thread. I exchanged a few emails with this one.
TUESDAY:
8:59am
"Hello,
I am very interested in the car you have for sale. Can you please call me to discuss. 973-851-2802.
Thank you"
1:38pm
I am very interested in purchasing the car you have for sale. I am sure you have received a ton of offers on the car but I am hoping you will consider my need and reasons for needing a car. I have $1000 on hand to purchase a car and I'm pretty desperate since the car I expected to purchase today did not work out as planned. The owner decided to raise the selling price and I'm trying hard not to feel discourage. The lease on my SUV recently ended last week and I needed a car ASAP so I can to school and take my two sons to and from school. \
I need a really reliable car and don't have much money. You mentioned you are not hard up for money but you surely would be blessing a single mom in need. I can't express to you how much it would mean to me. Its possible I could beg and borrow from family and friends to gather up another $500 if my offer is too low.
Let me know what you think and feel free to call me at 973-342-7293
Sincerely,
Ms. Coksuka"
5:12pm
"I am very interested in this car. Can you please call me at 973-851-2802 or respond to my email to discuss??!"
6:06pm - My response - (Name changed to protect the slovenly)
"Ms. Coksuka,
Please accept my apologies, I have been very busy. How much are you looking to spend on this car. I am looking to get in the area of 5000.00, as I believe this is fair market value. If this exceeds your budget, I'm sorry.
Regards,
Dennis"
What's with the SOB story? Woah's Me.... Woah's F'ng Me.... Personally, it sounds like a scam but let's follow through a little. Should I tell her what I think? I kept my initial response short and sweet:
"Ms. Coksuka,
I'm a nice guy but not that nice. $1500.00 simply will not do.
Sorry"
Truth be told, I'm not a nice guy at all. ;)
Now with everything you've read so far... Some funny, some not so funny.... I'm sure this one takes the cake!
Wednesday:
1:14am
"Hi:
I'm just reaching out to you once more to suggest a better offer for you to consider. Please know that I am a young professional woman who works for a respectable company in an executive management capacity. I've never done anything like this but at this point, it sounds like good business to me, all about bartering and compromising.
I have $1000 cash and would be willing to provide additional services to make up for the difference. I really need a car by Saturday and I'm just thinking creatively about the assets I have to offer at this time.
I give THE best head I've been told (probably because I genuinely enjoy it) and although this may seem to be a highly irregular proposition I hope you don't find this distasteful. I am a very private and discreet woman and I live in a very quiet area. I'd love to work something out with you.
If you are not interested a simply no thanks will do. If you need some time to think about it, please do and give me a call to discuss at 973-xxx-xxxx
You would really be helping out a lot. My children attend excellent schools twenty minutes away and I need to find a way to get them there. Public transportation will not work out if I want to get to work on time. I am available to meet asap. I hope you will consider my sincere and discreet offer.
Sincerely,
Ms. Coksuka"
Why would anyone find that distasteful? She's willing to do whatever it takes to get those kids to school. Not just any school, but Excellent Schools located twenty minutes away. Obviously public transportation will not do for these kids (that you and I are probably paying for).... Public transportation is not good enough for her either. What's even worse is that this person thought they were sufficient enough to even have kids. This woman cannot afford kids... She can hardly afford herself. So here I am, not only paying my local towns school taxes but my youngest cannot attend the public school system because Kindergarten is only 1/2 day. This means I have to pay 1260 bux a month to send him to a private school. That's in addition to the school taxes. Do you know how my youngest gets to school? Of course you do; we drive him there in our brand new car.
So, my response to, Ms. Coksuka was this:
"Let it be known that I LOVE blowjobs but, there is not a blow-jobber on this planet that I'd make this offer with. You might even be the best. For the difference of what I'm asking and what you're willing to give, I'll just spit in my hand and take care of it myself. I do have to ask in case I change my mind, do you have teeth? With/without bling?
Dennis"
Unfortunately, this must come to an end. I will leave by saying that I did not use my Honda as part of the downpayment. Someone actually came over tonight and gave me a very reasonable number for the car then drove off with it. I was told that my car would be shipped to Honduras. I'll miss that car.
I've gotta say that aside the crap that people sent me, I did sell a pretty heafty piece of machinery pretty quick. I'd recommend Craigs list to anyone looking for a good laugh and of course if you're looking to offload a corpse. Something for everybody, right?
Take care. :)
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